Asociality – what does it mean? How to heal?

Think of the countless times when someone around you, such as your family, work, or neighborhood, simply wasn’t interested in dating anyone for a long time. He always refused, looked for excuses etc. Usually such people are called introverts, weirdos, loners. The truth is, this person may struggle with asociality. Or is this the way you feel? What are the symptoms of anti-social? Do anti-social and anti-social mean the same thing? Find out more.

Antisocial or Antisocial?

Colloquially, the terms “asocial” and “antisocial” are used interchangeably to describe someone who is not motivated by social interactions. However, both in dictionary definitions and in the clinical context of mental health, the terms have a completely different meaning. The prefix “anti” means against and “a” means none. While the term antisocial denotes a preference against society or the order of society, antisocial refers to individuals who are not interested in social interactions.

Antisocial behavior is defined as contrary to the laws and customs of society, in a way that causes irritation and disapproval of others, or is marked by activities that deviate from the social norm. On the other hand, an anti-social person is one who is not interested in creating social groups or making contacts with others. Therefore, anti-social should not be confused with anti-social.

Put simply, anti-social behavior mean withdrawal from society, marked by indifference. Being antisocial is a trait that results either from a lack of motivation to engage in social interactions and activities, or from fear of interacting with others, or from a strong, even pathological preference for loneliness. Being antisocial suggests active hostility towards society and may, in some cases, manifest as a personality disorder (so-called antisocial personality disorder, ASPD, dissocial personality).

What does anti-social mean?

When talking about anti-social, there is a picture of someone who:

has difficulty integrating and making contact with society or who is not directly interested in it;
is reluctant to break the rules, such as people with anti-social characteristics or with anti-social personality disorder;
there is no motivation to maintain a variety of social contacts.

Antisocial have difficulties or are not interested in integrating, participating in group activities and building relationship among others. They refuse to go to the movies, restaurants, corporate events, integration events, meetings with friends, training sessions, family celebrations, etc. In short, these people prefer solitude above everything else.

I am anti-social / I am anti-social

What do anti-social people say about themselves? How do they perceive their behavior, how do they feel about it, what do they think about it? Take a look at a few of the statements below and verify that you identify with their heroes. This will be your antisocial test.

A: I have never liked big social interactions. I have absolutely no problem with meeting new people, but I am not interested in social contacts and situations in which I have to meet new people, talk to them. Also, if there are more than four people in the group, that’s too much for me. I feel fear, nervousness, my hands are sweating and I want to run to my apartment as soon as possible.

B: Usually I’m just not interested in socializing. I don’t want to go out to others. There are times when I try to hide it and force myself to socialize. Then I just get exhausted, nervous, angry, and have a complete mess in my head. I hurt myself by doing this. I am getting very tired and it may take days or even weeks to recover as if I had over-exercised. I literally burn out inside over too many socializing. Well… after all, I exceed my limits. I also need a lot, a lot and again a lot of time just for me.

C: I think there’s something wrong with me. I should want to be around people, right? Do I have any disorder? Do I hate the world? It comes naturally to everyone, but not to me. I am not one of those easy contacts. But I guess I should want to fit in with what other people want me to do? But no! I am not interested in it, it is not for me. I feel bad to give up my loneliness.

D: I am a completely antisocial, lonely person. I like being alone most of the time, I really get a lot of satisfaction from loneliness. Being involved in social activities makes me feel uncomfortable and uncomfortable. I can only achieve peace when I am alone. This is my feeling that accompanies me most of the time. But I still feel lonely at times, and yet I feel scared at the thought of permanently bonding with anyone.

E: Meeting people, even family and sometimes especially family, is a burden for me. It is difficult to be constantly “tense”, unable to be yourself and find topics for conversation by force. I feel trapped at the table, I do not want to talk about my life, which often happens to me during long Christmas meetings. That’s why sometimes I prefer to send an SMS that I am sick and won’t come.

As you can see, some people fear relationships with others. In stressful situations, i.e. meetings with other people, they feel nervous, sweating hands, dry mouth, etc. Interestingly, in many cases, being anti-social does not mean difficulties in making contacts, but rather lack of motivation. Some people prefer to do the activities alone and are not interested in making friends. If this way of being leads to extremes, is a constant determinant of behavior, it may suggest an autism spectrum disorder or even a schizoid personality disorder.

Asociality – symptoms that indicate a problem

Antisocial Behavior refers to a lack of motivation to engage in social interactions or preferring to complete tasks alone and various activities. Antisocial people:

are nervous in a social setting. They can be perceived as insecure, shy, scared, avoiding eye contact, etc.
sometimes they do not understand social norms, do not know how to behave in a given situation, what to do or what is expected of them. For example, what to say when someone is sad or when they meet someone new,
don’t know how to talk,
miss being alone
don’t feel need or even want to participate in social and family life.

While these people are perceived as weird, shy, and even arrogant, they are wonderful people, but they need the understanding of others. Someone who is antisocial is sometimes diagnosed with other mental disorders such as social phobia or depression.

Antisocial and introvert

Often anti-social is confused with introversion. Meanwhile, there are many differences between being an introvert and being anti-social, but also many similarities. How to tell one from the other?

Someone who is introverted may enjoy being around people at certain times. However, he must initiate this contact at his own pace. Introverts like the company of others. Such people just don’t need social relationships to be happy. On the other hand, an anti-social person does not show any motivation to make real contact with the environment. He may not even be texting or dialing a phone because he doesn’t want to be in touch with other people. An anti-social person feels happy to be away from other people. Most introverts do not avoid making friends or making phone calls. An antisocial person needs both emotional and physical space. He dislikes being around other people and avoids it often when he can.

A separate issue also applies to partnership relations. For introverts, relationships are important. They often see dating and love in the same way as someone who is not an introvert. Because they enjoy the company of others in their own way, it can be easy for them to connect with each other. However, it’s important for their partner to understand that the introvert also needs some time to rest. In this case, the need to spend time alone has nothing to do with something wrong that the partner has done. It all has to do with the fact that long-term social interactions exhaust the introvert. On the other hand, an anti-social person often overlooks the importance of being in a relationship. She prefers to be alone, spending all the time alone, so the relationship is just unnecessary human interaction for her.

How to deal with anti-socialism?

In spite of all this “I love loneliness”, “I feel good when I am only alone” etc. Asocial people cannot cope with difficulties in dealing with other people. Sometimes loneliness, motivated by a lack of willingness to relate, overwhelms them so much that they become depressed. Sometimes it causes severe anxiety along a spectrum of physiological symptoms (trembling hands, sweating, dry throat, nervous tics, etc.).

If you are not well when you are to meet or work with other people, and long-term loneliness bothers you a lot, if social contact causes you difficulties, causes fear, anxiety or other symptoms, contact a psychologist. You are not weird or ignorant. You just need help and learn how to deal with antisocial behavior. Talking to a trusted therapist who understands your concerns will give you a different perspective on the future. Often also participation in social skills training is a way to better understand relationships with others and a method of learning adaptive behavior.

Remember that asociality is not a character flaw, a negative personality trait, or a quirk. It is behavior that you can tame with the help of a psychologist and your willingness to change your life.