Mental abuse – how to defend yourself?

When it comes to violence, most people think of physical aggression and abuse. They think about bruises, cuts, “accidents” and stays in the emergency room. However, this is not the only form of abuse. There are several other methods of violence that are not visible to the naked eye and are indications of bullying. One of them is psychological abuse . How do you recognize it and avoid suffering from the effects of psychological harassment

Psychological violence – am I dealing with it?

When you are physically abused, the signs of such violence are obvious. They are physically visible and difficult to misinterpret. You become a victim of domestic abuse and violence. However, when someone abuses you mentally, it can be quite different. If you are with an emotionally aggressive person, it can be very difficult for you to identify the warning signs. This is because the perpetrator of psychological abuse does everything to “get” into your head and convince you that he is right about his words, no matter what he says or how he acts.

After all, you don’t really consider it an abuse because you are being manipulated and convinced that it’s the whole truth. Or, you can be manipulated that nothing of the sort happened and the reality is not what you think. It is important to recognize the negative behavioral pattern that the offender has and understand that Domestic abuse or bullying at school, at work, etc. has many faces, including emotional abuse.

What is psychological abuse?

Psychological abuse , also known as emotional abuse, verbal abuse or psychological abuse , is a form of psychological harm that occurs when one person makes another person harmful. degrading and derogatory words and / or actions. Years of mental abuse can lead to emotional trauma and the deterioration of mental health (anxiety disorder, depression or PTSD) as a result.

Psychological abuse is the most common form of domestic violence. It occurs in teenage and adult relationships, e.g. in friendship relationships, romantic relationships, marriage, relationships with co-workers, interactions with strangers, and even in parent-child relationships. When a person is abused, mentally harassed or intimidated by friends or colleagues, it causes them to experience high levels of anxiety, depression and / or self-isolation. Moreover, it makes the abused person feel inept, unimportant, hopeless and worthless.

Psychological abuse – examples

Manipulation itself and psychological abuse are “art” and require a lot of cunning on the part of the perpetrator of violence. For this reason, psychological abuse is sometimes hard to spot. An example is the fact that emotionally aggressive relationships often start in the context of an obsessive, intoxicating love that may seem wonderful at first. In the first stages of a romantic relationship, the abuser will likely use affectionate words, beautiful deeds, love bombing, and flattery to draw you into his web. But soon there will be clear changes in his behavior, which will affect the course of the relationship. This is where psychological abuse in a relationship is born.

Examples of psychological harassment can be broken down into the following sections:

Emotional blackmail

Emotional distance, stop showing affection.
Reversing responsibility by shifting the blame onto you and appealing to your “flaws”.
Using your values or fears against you ” You call yourself a good person, but you are useless … “,” Look at yourself, who else wants you … “.

Unreasonable expectations, demands

Making you the person responsible for meeting the abuser’s needs.
Getting angry if you don’t share his beliefs or opinions.
Requirements to devote all your time and attention.

Challenging your feelings and fears

Disregarding your feelings and fears: “You’re just oversensitive …”, “Your opinion doesn’t make sense …”.
Ignoring your comments: “You’re exaggerating.”
Trying to define how “you should” feel.
Refusing to perform an action.
Trying to make you feel guilty.

Creating an Unstable Environment

Sudden changes in mood and emotional outbursts that leave you unsure what awaits you in an hour, two or another day.
Bringing up an argument over little things.
Playing the game Your emotions and putting you in a mental trap by using contradictory or misleading statements during misunderstandings.

Using verbal attacks

Embarrassing statements that detract from your value: “You’re so stupid.”
Using communication strategies that blame you in individual actions: “It’s your fault that we never have money because your job is a rock. ”
Scornful jokes or statements that suggest that you are nobody.
Insults and insulting texts.

Use of control tactics

Constant criticism or negative judgments about your personal choices, friends or behavior.
Isolating you from other healthy relationships with family and friends.
Accusing you of lying, cheating and / or monitoring your activity.
Demanding that you control your movements to know where you are at all times.

Bullying mental – symptoms

Psychological abuse in a relationship , at home, at work, or in another relationship involves manipulation and can make sufferers believe they are worthless. People who experience psychological harassment may struggle with a range of distressing emotional and physical symptoms:

mood swings,
sadness and depression,
lack of self-esteem,
anxiety or constant fear of contact with other people
fear of the perpetrator,
fear of attending school, work or other places where the perpetrator may be present,
inability to free oneself from the perpetrator
feeling of shame
withdrawing from friends and family,
withdrawing from everyday life,
aggression and venting anger towards other people or pets,
overt or secret planning revenge,
trying to change your appearance or life to please the torturer,
trust issues,
feelings of numbness and chronic fatigue

sexual identity or functioning problems,

flashbacks or bullying nightmares,
insomnia and sleep problems,
nightmares,
lack of energy,
excessive sleepiness,
memory problems,
neuralgia,
muscle tension from stress,
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symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.

Psychological abuse in a relationship – what are the signs?

Falling in love and welcoming a new partner in life always brings changes. To some extent, it is normal for a relationship to be heavily involved in the “honeymoon phase”. You may naturally have less need and less time to meet friends, pursue your passions, and so on as you focus on creating a new bond during this time. But when the relationship lasts and the so-called honeymoon, you usually want to return to the “old” world. You want to go out to people, show off your significant other, share your interests, you also need space and being only with yourself.

However, if your new partner does not accept this and you notice changes in her / his personality, you probably have reasons to worry. Unfortunately, signs that someone is in an emotionally aggressive relationship are often subtle – especially in the early stages. And because of the complexity of psychological abuse in a relationship , you are unlikely to recognize what’s going on right away.

However, people who abuse mentally over your partner, show some patterns to keep. First of all, they use social withdrawal. They do not allow you to contact your family and friends, limit you to spend time with them, and at the same time make you feel guilty for giving too little love from yourself. Besides, they have a need to constantly monitor their partner when he is apart. Phone calls, texting, Messenger contact, and even geolocation shows that someone wants to take control of you. A clear sign of psychological violence is also the low self-esteem of the other party and an attempt to build oneself up with a critical attitude towards you. Toxic partners suddenly from cute and affectionate become very critical of you, change their body language, expect your reassurances about their charm, gratitude for everything, and they themselves have nothing nice to tell you.

If you notice any of these symptoms and the behavior worsens, try to encourage your partner to seek professional support as soon as possible before you become a victim who will need help from a psychologist.

How to prove psychological abuse?

Psychological abuse does not leave visible scars, which sometimes makes it easier to tolerate it on the one hand and hide it on the other. It is easier for a perpetrator to prove a beating than to insult. However, it is not impossible and for psychological abuse the perpetrator can also be punished. It is enough to collect evidence in the form of, among others,

Witness testimony – Anyone who has seen or heard how the perpetrator treats you can testify against the accused.
Blue Card documentation – people who experience domestic violence , they can testify to the police and join the “Blue Card” procedure, which is designed to help victims of various forms of violence.
Recordings, photos, SMS printouts, e-mails, etc. – anything that indicates signs of aggression, threats, ridicule, humiliation, etc. is evidence in the case.
Documentation of the treatment process psychiatric services, visits to psychological clinics, a certificate of using a psychologist, an opinion of an expert psychologist, etc.

Such evidence, together with your testimony, will be the basis for the administration of judicial justice.

Psychological bullying – how to defend yourself?

First of all, you need to find time to spend away from the torturer and meet people who love and support you. Avoid isolating yourself as it will worsen your mental state. A healthy network of loved ones will help you tell the truth and dare to change. Besides:

Accept that you are not responsible for any abuses and behaviors of the abuser.
Stop blaming yourself.
Do not get involved in verbal skirmishes.
Get out of a toxic relationship or get away from people who affect you badly.
Make your mental and physical health a priority.
Give yourself time to heal.
Build a support network. Talk to a friend, family, or psychologist.

How can therapy help with psychological abuse?

Psychological abuse can have devastating consequences. Not only will it seriously affect your quality of life, it can also lead to various mental health issues in the long run: anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder and even depression. If you are in a relationship where you psychologically abuse you , your children or others close to you, you may be concerned about telling your friends and family about everything.

Psychologist therapy provides a safe, non-judgmental space where you can find yourself, understand what is happening to you, and move on in the best way forward. People who have experienced long-term emotional abuse often find it difficult to trust again. These are all the things you can work through in therapy to look to the future with hope and build a fulfilling life – free from terror, guilt and shame.